Fifty

After anticipating this milestone birthday for a year, the day had finally arrived. I realized I'd been saying, "I'm going to be 50 in ___ months" all year, and didn't even savor 49! Oh well. Hopefully, that means the 50s are going to the best!

A super fun part of the celebration was when Burke told me, "Be ready at 2:30. Someone is picking you up for a late lunch." This made me very nervous, wondering who it may be. I was thrilled when Vicki & Tim knocked on the door, literally cried tears of joy and relief. We went to Post Boy in New Buffalo, and I was extra happy that Allyson made the trip to join us. They are the best of friends...

at Post Boy

30+ years of friendship

Vicki brought her celebratory 50th birthday crown and sash, that she recently wore. 

We headed home where more friends and family were gathered. Burke and the boys set out yard games, including a piñata which was super fun.

family pictures to mark the occasion

Another fun element was this "cake flight." Cake is my favorite. We had a Sanders Bumpy Cake, cakes from Bit of Swiss and Portillo's, and a homemade one from Steve.

Ryan went around to take cake and ice cream orders. With 4 cakes and 2 ice creams, an order pad was necessary. Cake and ice cream distribution was a team effort, for sure.

After most of the guests had gone, Burke, Ryan and I played oversized, yard Jenga in the dark.

My parents got me 50 roses!!

Ryan's card which is a treasure! It's a lovely "this is your life" situation. Hope College, travel, yoga mat, tap shoes, NYC, Detroit, cake, books, the beach. The bottom right corner is an uncanny rendering of our 5th grade classroom, which is especially touching. 

Family and friends, near and far, generously showered me with thoughtful gifts and well-wishes. Also, I'm grateful to Burke, Ryan, and Evan for putting thought and effort into pulling this party together. Thank you for being witnesses to my big, little life! 

Ryan's Send Off

At the beginning of August, we all traveled to Ann Arbor for Orientation. It was a day of information and exploring. Happily, at that point, we got to take Ryan home with us to enjoy being a complete family unit for four more weeks. 

outside his soon-to-be home

Lots of activity happens inside Michigan Union, 

and I liked the flowers over the sign. 

Soon after orientation, he cast his first vote!

Also, in that final four weeks as a full time resident of our family home, Ryan and his quartet organized a summer recital. The final performance of the acclaimed Bear Quartet, coached by Mr. Reed. They organized this recital entirely on their own, and I felt a sense of how mature and capable they are. Very encouraging as we approached move in day.

We had some of Ryan's favorite meals leading up to move in day, including steak of course. We also enjoyed a delicious tuna sandwich with potato chips and veggie burritos.

After what I realized was about a year and a half of anticipation, the starting point being spring break of his junior year when we went on our first college tours, move in day finally arrived. It was a bustling year for all of us to varying degrees, bringing closure to old ways, and planning for new adventures, while mentally preparing for a new norm. 

Evan stayed home to work, which we didn't love, but appreciated that it allowed for more space in the car for Ryan's things. With the car packed, we said goodbye in the driveway. I brought both my babies in for a hug before we left. I am so grateful my boys give me grace for such displays of sentiment. 

We talked most of the way (about two and a half hours) about some items that came up during orientation that I made note of to talk to Ryan about - topics such as, alcohol expectations, healthy relationships, medical support options, and whether he had the laundry app on his phone yet. 

Unloading the car was super smooth, and we had his belongings relatively situated in no time. 

making the bed

three members of the quad, all high school friends

the other quad-mate, 

who plays in the Michigan Marching Band (so cool!)

Ryan's spaces for the 2026-27 school year

Burke and I stayed back to put together a shelf and tidy up our stuff while Ryan went off to the dining hall with one of his roommates. We captured a proud parent moment.

We stayed the night, because I didn't want to drive all the way back the same day, and because I wanted to rip off the bandaid slowly. We took him out to dinner that first night, and then brunch the next day. Then it was time to say goodbye for now. I cried a lot and was sort of despondent that day. Ugh...

This is all very surreal, but also feels right. Home feels quieter, different. Burke, Evan, and I miss having Ryan around, being a four-person unit. That said, it makes adjusting a bit easier knowing that Ryan is more than ready to try his hand at increased independence, and he intends to make the most of his time at University of Michigan.

Class of 2030

[Ryan is somewhere in middle of the left leg of the Block M]

This feels like a good time to repost the very first picture of Ryan from this blog.

Here we are 18 years, 4 months, and 10 days later... 

dropping him off at college!

Summer Baseball

Evan has not experienced team stability when it comes to summer baseball. He's played for 5 teams over 5 summers - Blues, Thunder, Rebels, Repetition, and this summer the Landsharks. Even though this team had the winningest record (barely... 14-13), it was imo the worst team he was on. Other seasons and coaches were problematic in various ways, but never has Evan been personally treated so poorly. It was a difficult season, and I truly hope he doesn't experience that sort of coach neglect ever again. 

That being said, there were many opportunities for life lessons, and as one baseball mom friend said, hopefully something good will come of it, whatever that may be. By my count, Evan had two positive baseball outings, and that's better than nothing, I suppose. 

Baseball before Italy - We had high hopes. That baseball mom friend I referenced above helped connect us with this team. Her son is a school teammate of Evan's. Her son is a catcher and he and Evan have good catcher-pitcher rapport. He chatted with the coach and thought he seemed funny and light, supportive. Evan worked hard with the team in the off season. In the first tournament of the year, he told Evan he'd be their first reliever. He also played third. (Also, all photo credit to this "baseball mom friend".)

In their very first game, they faced one of the hardest teams they'd face all season. Their starter didn't even make it through the first inning. Evan came in and held them off a bit, but the team ended up getting beaten soundly. Sadly, that first game, in retrospect seems like it was the beginning of the end. 

pictures from the one tournament Evan played in before our Italy trip

Baseball after Italy - He just could not get momentum back after Italy. He missed one whole tournament, and was rusty and jet lagged for the tournament immediately following our return. The team kind of took shape without him, he wasn't performing optimally, he got in a negative headspace and at times projected his negativity, his coach didn't coach him. The coach let it fester, which killed Evan's motivation, mindset, and playing, which made the coach pull back even more. It was an unhealthy cycle for the rest of the season.

You may ask - Why didn't you talk to the coach? That was my instinct, but trusted people advised against it, saying it might "make it worse" for Evan. We all decided Evan should advocate for himself and say something to the coach, which he did. He asked what it'd take for him to get a chance to pitch. The coach seemed surprised, which was confusing. 

action shot at third

On July 16, the first game of the next tournament after Evan asked about pitching, the coach finally let him start a game. He went all 7 innings and the they won the game. This is one of the season's two bright moments I referenced above.

sadly, one of the only smiles of the season

some other cool moments at third base

Attempting camaraderie - By the end of the season, we were considering just skipping games. One of the coaches called him "Ethan" in the last tournament. He would sit entire games, was not called in to pitch, the pitching rotation was not systematic,  I could go on and on. Even though it felt like he didn't really exist, to his credit Evan really battled to stay positive and connected. When the coach tried to organize a team outing at the last tournament, Evan was one of only four who showed up. Says something about the state of team culture. 

Evan struggled at the plate, likely because he had so few reps, and little to no coach support. Neglect takes a mental toll. To be sure, he's never been a huge hitter, but this level of struggle was like nothing we've seen before. Hopefully, he can build back his confidence at the plate. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that the coach managed by batting average. In other words, since Evan's batting average was low, he didn't get a shot. Simple as that. There were teammates who were given more leeway and playing time because their batting averages were higher. Long story short, hitting is king. While this is understandable to some extent, it does not feel like it means license to ignore a player and leave him stranded without encouragement and development - especially when we paid so much for season. 

On top of it all, he lost his sunglasses, which were not cheap.

The coach invited everyone back for next season. There was NO way we were returning. We never told the coach that officially, but by the end of the season, it was mutually understood Evan would not return. The coach, in cowardly passive-aggressive fashion, sent a long text to Evan, Burke, and me. He said thanks for working hard in the off season, there is a certain level of respect expected, Evan has negative body language when he's frustrated, he needs to work on controlling his emotions, he has potential and a high baseball IQ, and offered best wishes for the future. 

This was infuriating to me! I wrote back, we don't necessarily disagree with the feedback, did you directly say any of this to Evan during the season. He said he didn't, he wanted to let Evan "work through it". I said, Evan was denied an opportunity to course correct and salvage the season and relationship. Didn't get a response to that.... of course! 

We're all trying to move on. Evan has an increase in drive, and got a hard lesson in the effects of negative mindset. Whether he keeps up that motivation and learns the lesson about mindset remains to be seen. 

Burke and I remain hopeful that Evan can recover from this setback and actually leverage this experience to evolve into a more self-aware, thriving, confident human and ball player. 

hopeful

As of right now, he's committed to playing with the Great Lakes Canes for next summer. That was his other option last season, and we went with the Landsharks instead, which in hindsight was a mistakes. We'll see how the story continues to unfold.... We will follow Evan's lead, and right now, he wants to keep playing. 💙⚾🤞

Summer Fun

Lucky me! I have gotten to spend some quality time with three very special friends in the last couple months - all Dorian friends from Hope! 

celebrating Vicki's 50th in early June

dinner with Allyson mid July

Most recently, we had dinner with Kara and her family. We realized we hadn't seen each other in 8 years! Her youngest bonded with Ryan over shared love of Legos. Kara told them it was my birthday (which it was not), and I got a free dessert. So, we celebrated one month early. Celebrate all month, I guess. 

Artie: before groomer, very fluffed

Artie: after groomer, business pup

Ryan and Layla at her booth at the art fair downtown. She sold a lot of her work!

Beach day - like in olden times

Ryan & Evan playing catch out in the water.

relaxing, reading in the sun

Summer inevitably winding down....

Italy: End (Rome, Pompeii, Amalfi)

After all the students, chaperones, and guides departed the hotel, we took a deep breath preparing to enjoy a couple days in Italy on our own. Our trek from the hotel to the nearest subway station was surprisingly treacherous, the pavement was super uneven and there were often so sidewalks or crosswalks as we walked along busy roads. Thankfully, the boys helped me with my suitcase. 

This Airbnb was possibly the best we've ever experienced! I highly recommend. The host met us with pastries and Prosecco. He gave us a kind and caring explanation of the apartment and many tourist resources.

Boys relax and decompress after a pretty hectic week!

view from the apartment balcony

One of the many resources offered by our host were low/no cost walking tours. He had the locations mapped out on a linked Google map, as well as brief descriptions of the stops. One such tour he recommended we do in the evening, and so we took an evening stroll in Rome. We were able to catch these lovely vistas as the sun was setting. 

Giardino degli Aranci

[The Orange Garden]

Temple of Hercules Victor - Dating back to the 2nd century BC, this is the oldest surviving marble building in all of Rome. It survived the fall of Rome because it was repurposed as a Christian church.

These handy street fountains kept us hydrated - convenient and appreciated.

late dinner

Tiber Island - known for medicine and its hospital 

The next day, we did another of the hosts suggested walking tours. 

This one took us to the Trevi Fountain.

Another stop - Chiesa di Sant'Ignazio di Loyola known for its optical illusion 3D dome painted on a flat surface.

The Pantheon (c.125AD), known for its massive unreinforced concrete dome and central oculus. Originally a pagan temple dedicated to many gods, it has also survived because it was designated a Christian Church.

Famous master painter Raphael is buried here, as well as the first two kings of unified Italy.

We found ourselves in need of a restaurant recommendation after the Pantheon. Fantastic Airbnb host to the rescue. This lunch was fabulous. Italy's reputation for delicious food is not an exaggeration according to our field research.

We strolled along Via dei Fori Imperiali one last time as we wrapped up our day. We got to take a closer look at the Forum, see the Colosseum one more time, which was lovely and captivating. 

exhausted

Again, our fabulous host hooked us up. His son drove us about 2-1/2 hours to Pompeii and Amalfi!! I mean, we had to pay him, but it was less expensive than if we went through a tour group, and the guy was super nice. We really appreciated his expert, assertive but safe, driving, especially over the mountain road that connects Pompeii to Amalfi.

Pompeii Forum

originated in the 4th century BC and destroyed in the 79AD eruption of Mount Vesuvius

casts of victims

When the bodies of decomposed under the hardened volcanic ash, they left voids. Beginning in 1863, archeologists began filling those voids with plaster to better capture their final moments. These casts were haunting and fascinating.

Pompeii

We were in a bit of a time crunch, so we had enough time to get to Amalfi and return home at a decent hour since we had a super early flight home the next day. I wish I would have prepared more for our time in Pompeii so it wouldn't have felt so panicked (to me, not my family) as we were wrapping up our time there. 

Speaking of not having enough time, we would definitely like to spend more time on the Amalfi coast. There were so many cute coastal towns in this area. Definitely worth returning. Our first order of business was to walk out on the pier to get a better look at the stunning mountains, water, and buildings. Just an overall perfect vista...

Ryan tempted the phone fates when his phone fell but landed precariously on rocks and did NOT go into the water. It would have been gone forever, but miraculously, he was able to carefully extract it. Phew!

Ryan and Evan sit on the pier (bottom center)

💖

We really only had time to walk up and down one cute street. It was perfect, but like I mentioned, we may have to return someday. 🤞

Evan sips a lemon spritz at our seafood lunch.

To cool off, and because churches were a major trip theme, we toured Duomo di Sant'Andrea.

I think this is Burke's favorite picture from the trip - very holy!

Before heading back to Rome, I really wanted to put my feet in the water, so we walked down to Mandingo Beach. Perfect way to wrap up the trip!

Bye, Italy! 🇮🇹

Our perfect host arranged a 4:00 AM taxi for us to head to Fiumicino Airport. We had a bit of an issue with the driver, whose "card reader wasn't working" and we had to use an ATM to get more Euros. That was annoying way to begin our travel day, but the rest of the day went pretty smoothly (aside from the landing at O'Hare, began our decent but then started climbing again which was a little freaky). As we drove home from Chicago, Ryan was working out if he could get to a musical rehearsal (spoiler: he wasn't able to). Then, Burke and Evan had to leave for a travel baseball game at 6:00AM the next day, so quickly back to reality. For my part, after about 3 days back at home I Googled "how long does jet lag last". I was exhausted, emotional, and brain foggy for about a week. I was excited to see Artie and we needed to stop spending money, but otherwise, was sad for this adventure to end. Until next time...